dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
