Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
