I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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