You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
