Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
