im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
