the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
