Only a mothe r could love this liver
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
