They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
