I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
