med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
