she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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