New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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