You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
