I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
