They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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