R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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