ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She announced her abortion via fbk
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
