Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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