I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
