Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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