then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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