Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
