he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
