i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The uberlube is also flammable
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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