I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You are the jesus of drinking
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
