So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
