I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
