looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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