Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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