he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
