Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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