He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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