Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
