So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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