Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
