I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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