I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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