CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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