On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
