He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
