I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
