I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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