dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
