he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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