That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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