I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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