We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
