how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
