I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
